You want to feel accepted & fit in but it means…

Dieting – take it to whatever extreme you have to just to lose weight because that’s what you’re told you should do (by well meaning family and friends, doctors, and the media). Your extreme and my extreme will be two different things. I starved myself, landed in the emergency room because of diet pills (thanks ephedrine…I think the FDA finally banned diet pills with that shit in it several years after my scare!). I binged & purged, tried Weight Watchers, cabbage soup diet, Atkins, calorie restriction , and so many other fad diets out there to lose weight.

Why? Because I just wanted to fit in, be accepted and loved.

But it never happened. The weight loss was never good enough – “oh you’ve come this far, keep going.” “you have such a pretty face, if you’d only lose weight (or lose more weight).” Every time I failed at yet another diet I hated myself even more. Even when I was “successful” at diets (losing 20 here, 30 there, 60 here, and on and on) I still never felt accepted or like I fit in.

Changing – who you really are to fit in with those around you. Again, this will look different for you and me. I changed when I was around my church friends/family. I changed and acted another way when I was around family. And oh sweet Jesus how I changed when I was dating/in relationship with a man (meaning watching movies I didn’t like, listening to music I hated, eating food I despised, and as hard as it is to admit it…even doing sexual things I wouldn’t ever think or do in a million years. And all for what? A man in my life!).

Why? Because once again I wanted to be accepted and loved and I thought I had to do and act certain ways for that to happen.

Guess what? Yep, it never happened. I continued to hate myself and wonder who I even really was because I didn’t know. I had so many different ‘personas’ I had to put on.

Hating yourself – everything mentioned above makes you hate yourself. Again, you and I will have different versions of this. But my self-hatred was so severe I numbed myself with alcohol, self-harm (cutting), and suicidal thoughts (thankfully I was always too afraid to follow through on those thoughts!).  I hated myself and my life so much I actually thought killing myself would be the best option (it’s still hard to think about this. It makes me cry still thinking how low of a point I had reached in life).

All the self-hatred was all because I just wanted to fit in, be accepted (normal even), and loved. But everything I did to make those things happen never worked and left me feeling worse and worse…until I decided it was time to stop trying to fit in, make people love/accept me and get my hot messy self together. Why? BECAUSE I DESERVED IT! (and you do to!)

What price are you willing to pay just to “fit” in? 

Is your health (mental, physical) worth it?
Is being someone who you’re really not worth it?
Is you self-love, self-esteem, etc. worth it?

I wholeheartedly hope you’re adamantly and vehemently shaking your head NO as you read each one of those questions!

But What If…

… you didn’t have to pay a price to fit in?

You already fit in just as you are?
You can learn to love yourself just as you are?
The world needs you to step up, show up, and live out loud…just as you are?

Now, I hope you’re shaking your head YES to those questions. Because each one of them is TRUE! You don’t have to change yourself to get anyone to like you or to fit in. Besides, believe it or not, not everyone will always like you anyway and what others think of you is none of your business 😉 so why not just be you! Guess what, it doesn’t matter if your skinny, fat, black, white, etc… you can love yourself just as you are – you were created with uniqueness, embrace that shit!

An invitation (and mission if you choose to accept it) 😉

If there’s anything that even remotely makes sense in this post today, I hope it’s this, my invitation to you…

The world needs YOU. Just as YOU are. YOUR message. YOUR story. YOU.

There’s NO price to pay. You get to be you. You get to love yourself. Just please, please, do it: 

  • live out loud
  • show up
  • be yourself
  • be present 

I need you. Those around you need you. So, as I continue to step more into living my best life (FAT and all!), showing up present, bold and living out loud, I invite you to do the same

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