I wish I had a magic wand and super powers.
I would take all the hurt and pain away from friends who are hurting and going through difficult times.
I would wave the magic wand over the wold and stop the violence; bring us together in love and erase the hate.
My superpower would be to sit on the shoulder of each woman out there who was about to make another decision based on a story she’s telling herself – that she’s not good enough and doesn’t deserve better.
Today, I want to focus on that last sentence above, about my superpower.
I may not have a magic wand or superpowers to qualify me, but I’ve been THAT woman before!
The woman that made decisions from a place of:
- feeling unloved or unlovable
- not feeling good enough, worthy or that I measured up
The list goes on, but what it boils down to is HURT. A hurting woman makes… can I be as bold to say BAD decisions?
When I was hurting and making decisions based on the few things I mentioned above, I was:
- a binge drinker (that turned into an everyday drinker…alcoholic)
- a binge eater/purger
- suicidal (mostly just thoughts never attempting it)
- cutting myself (you can still see a few scars on my arm; thankfully most have faded and weren’t deep enough to begin with to do too much damage)
And again, the list goes on. But today I am a different woman – a woman that makes decisions from a place of self-worth, self-love, confidence, courage, and value. And I’m so blessed for that. The journey hasn’t been easy, but the long road of inner (self) work has been so worth it.
Today, once again, I’m feeling heartbroken for a distant friend – a hurting woman who isn’t making the best decisions because she can’t see that she deserves more. So, I’m writing an open letter to that woman and I hope it’s an invitation to other hurting woman to see themselves through my eyes too…
I saw you again. You looked sad, withdrawn and distant. You smiled at me, like usual, but it was different today – one of those forced smiles. I sat quietly and wondered if you would say anything.
As you began to talk, it all came tumbling out. As I listened, the tears rolled down my face and I shook my head in agreement because I used to feel and say the same things:
‘I know he’s only using me for sex, but it’s better than no attention because I am so lonely.’
‘I know I shouldn’t drink as much as I do, but it helps numb the pain.’
‘Sometimes I wonder if anyone would even care if I wasn’t here.’
‘No one is ever going to love me because I’m fat.’
‘I just don’t give a F*** about anything anymore.’
First, thank you for being vulnerable enough to share. I’d like to point out that just by opening up, you do give a F*** and I’d like to think that means you want to change.
Can I offer some well meaning, but maybe not wanted, advice?
1. If you think you’re drinking too much and can’t stop on your own, please find an AA meeting. Finding my local AA recovery community has been one of the biggest and best decisions I made.
2. I know that in the moment it feels good to have a man in your bed with his arms around you. But remind yourself how you feel after he leaves. If you’re anything like me, I know you feel dirty, cheap and angry that you let a man use you yet again. Next time, he texts think about how it makes you feel once he walks away and tell him NO!
3. I would care if you weren’t here. And I know others would too – your family, friends, coworkers, but most of all your kids.
4. Girlfriend, you are beautiful just the way you are! The number on the scale doesn’t mean anything. And I love you…I don’t care about your body size. But if you’re anything like me, I know you’re referring to the opposite sex when you say this…and let me tell you from personal experience, when the right man comes into your life he isn’t going to give a rats ass about your size! He’s going to love you, all of you, for who you are.
I could go on and on because I have so much more to say but I’ll leave you with one more important piece of advice…maybe even the most important of all:
Like a friend in recovery once said to me, “I only wish you wanted your sobriety as much as I want it for you.”
I’m now saying to you, “I only wish you could see your value and worth through my eyes because you, girlfriend, are so much more than how you see yourself.”
Love from the woman that has been in your shoes, Francesca, and only wishes the best for you because you freaking deserve it. And you are worth a life you love!
I have one wish, that this letter would bring a little piece of hope to “Francesca” and every other hurting woman out there…